Life has its ups and downs, man … doesn’t it!? … One day you’re on a high, full speed ahead, going towards your goals and then other days, you’re just blah … in a funk, insecure and just going through the motions.
This is a common theme people go through when they’re aren’t aligned with who they are, where they’re going and all that they need and desire. Even the sharpest tools in the shed, the brightest crayons in the box, the prettiest fish in the sea have days where they just feel inadequate and forget all about their purpose in life.
So, on a day where I was feeling inadequate, I thought about really digging deep and discovering why i was feeling this way … was it my surroundings? My relationships? My job? My lifestyle? My circle of friends? What was causing me to consistently, on a regular basis, fall back into this pit of negativity and need for reassurance? … Then the magic happened.
Mom had the TV on some religious talk channel and Joel Osteen was speaking about how we can’t go through life relying on other people and their validation of us … and suddenly, after I felt this umbrella of negativity over me for what felt like forever, but was really just a couple days, it went away. I discovered that my habit of constantly seeking approval from others was consistently backfiring ... consistently making me feel like poo.
I was reading positive thinking books, meditating before bed to realign my subconscious, exercising more frequently, eating better … doing all the things that one would do for self-help but nothing was working. Nothing was working because for one, I wasn’t changing my thought pattern, and for two, I was still doing the main thing that causes all forms of unhappiness … seeking others for approval.
Of course, compliments are nice. Feeling appreciated in a relationship is great. Feeling valued at work helps you stay motivated in your career. Praise, for whatever reason, is an awesome feeling! Yes, it’s all a factor. However, when we let the compliments or criticism from others dictate our emotions and how we feel day to day, THAT’S when we have an issue.
Generally, in life, we live off compliments whether we think do, choose to, or not. Men have been accused of thinking with two heads and consistently seeking approval to stroke their ego. Women, we’ve been called out, too. Posting selfies for likes, hitting up the gym to get praise, cooking a good meal waiting for your man to approve it. It’s great when people believe in us and cheer us on and make us feel valuable. But sometimes, we become so addicted to encouragement that we are now reliant on others to keep us feeling good about ourselves. It’s like a drug for validation ... if they don’t keep you fixed and meet all your expectations, you get discouraged, maybe feel inferior, sometimes work overtime to get their approval.
We, as humans, consistently look to others for approval and that is the biggest problem of all because we can’t become so dependent on people that we're getting our worth and value out of how others treat us. Eventually, you’ll become exhausted and mentally, physically and spiritually drained. The saddest part about it is it’s no one’s fault but our own.
So to break it down, the problem is we think that another person can fulfill us. We think another person can make us feel better when we’re feeling down. We think another person can give us love, can give us security, can give us peace. And while that is all true, that is not true at all.
The only person who can truly fulfill you is you and your higher power.
So realize this: No person has 100%. In a relationship, the MOST … the VERY MOST a person will have to give you is 80% of what you need. That means, there will ALWAYS be at least 20% that they simply just don’t have to give you.
The mistake we make is we leave the 80 to go find the 20 in somebody or something else. We think the grass is greener. We think because he or she won’t do this or that, that something is wrong with us … that something is wrong with the relationship … that something is wrong with them … but the reality is, some people just don’t have it to give.
So, if you are fortunate enough to be getting 80% of what you need from a significant other, a job/boss/career path, your hobbies, etc. then don’t go chasing the 20. Appreciate what you have and where you are. Because guess what? ... that next person, place or thing will be missing AT LEAST 20% as well. And if you consistently chase the glitter, consistently seek the new spark to make you feel fulfilled, you’ll never have or you’ll eventually lose the diamond.
No matter how good a person is, how amazing a place is, how fulfilling a trip is, how astonishing an invention is, how terrific a job is ... he, she, they or it can’t and won’t ever give you everything you need because sometimes, they just don’t have it. In that case, we have to realize that we are enough ... that we can love ourselves … we can compliment ourselves … we can approve of ourselves. We don’t need others to tell us how amazing we are. Of course, it’s nice to hear from time to time, but if you live off a man’s compliments, you’ll die from his criticism.
So, this post has two concepts: the first concept is don’t seek others for approval because YOUR APPROVAL is the only approval you need! The second concept is that in doing so, in seeking only yourself for approval, you’re more apt to appreciate the diamonds that already exist in your life. Don’t keep looking to others to validate who you are and all that you have to offer.
Do yourself a huge favor and realize today that you alone are enough and if you don’t feel like you’re enough, realize that with faith, all things can happen for you without you having to convince someone to like you, without having to convince others of your worth. You don’t have to play up to people. With faith, you’ll find divine connections. You are a diamond! Start acting like it!
