Wearing a gown from The Hot Spot 813 in Pineapple Grove during the Savor the Ave event in Delray Beach.
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Wearing a gown from The Hot Spot 813 in Pineapple Grove during the Savor the Ave event in Delray Beach.

Effort is based on a level of interest—it’s a direct reflection of it … Always has been, always will be. And I don’t speak that out of opinion—well, maybe—but I really think it’s a fact.

Think of it like this: if you seriously like something or want something or need something, what do you do to achieve it? Do you not give it any attention, forget about it and remove it from your thoughts? … No. You go after it. You think about it non-stop. You bring it in with the attention you give it. You work for it.

If you want to be healthy, do you go buy donuts, cookies and candy? … Some of you are probably thinking yes, but the real answer should be no. Otherwise, you don’t really want to be healthy.

If you want to buy a new car, do you go looking for it and take the necessary steps to purchase it, or do you just wait and see if one shows up on your doorstep? … If you need to see a doctor, do you schedule an appointment or do you wait for him or her to call you? … Am I making sense?

Where there is a priority and where there is a high level of importance, there is an effort. No excuses.

So, if you follow the above and agree, understand the same goes for a relationship … if he or she wants you, he or she will find you. If he or she likes you, he or she will show you. And if he or she doesn’t, guess what!? THEY WON’T!

Now, don’t fret and think just because those people aren’t or that person isn’t doing all those things TODAY, they are now all of a sudden uninterested … although, that can happen and if it does, then it’s best it ends that way now so you don’t continue wasting time in a dead end zone, but more often than not, that isn’t the case. People just get in funks, get in their moods, and go about their day with their focus on other things, like projects, work or to-dos. The lack of attention doesn’t always mean your relationship is over. Sometimes, you’re just being a pussycat and a whiner. Buck up!

If you are interested in something or in this case, someone, and want to have a better relationship with that person and are giving it your all, making every effort day in and day out, and attempt to communicate regularly to minimize the potential for problems to arise, but the other person isn’t actively participating in that communication, too, then you’re wasting your time. Apologize. Make peace. Move forward. Forget about it.

Because where there is no effort, there is no interest. If what you’re making the effort for/towards repels, it’s not meant for you … simple as that. Although, it’s not to say that person isn’t meant for you, but that specific situation, time, place or circumstance isn’t meant for you. The arguing, nail biting, bickering, and aggravation isn’t meant for you. The disruption to your happiness isn’t meant for you. So, do yourself a favor, and don’t spend too much time analyzing and rationalizing the issue … just stop. The other party isn’t interested in continuing whatever it is you’re trying to force, so why should you be?

The rationalization process that takes place to try and pinpoint the motive behind peoples’ lack of effort or behavior is really a waste of time. It can literally make you go cross-eyed trying to understand and analyze … Take that energy and focus on something else. Try to focus on yourself … and by focusing on yourself, that doesn’t mean to focus on that someone because that’s what you want … no. It means taking all that energy and doing something positive and productive with it … finish YOUR to-do list, YOUR bucket list, YOUR projects and YOUR work. Let the day unfold however it’s meant to. Stop giving the attention to the negativity and reroute it to the productivity. Organize a desk drawer at work. Make a cup of tea. Start a new project.

Use your time wisely instead of spending it trying to understand the disconnect between peoples’ words and actions. If the effort is there, the interest is. If it’s not then it’s not. Easy as a sleazy.

Remember, though, that concept goes both ways … while that party is used to your attention, the lack thereof on his or her part may result in the lack of yours … then maybe the situation will reverse and if that happens, well then, you just became a badass, but if it doesn’t, then so be it. Life can’t stop because of one person’s inability to understand or inconsideration towards your wants, needs, desires, and efforts. Go be the best version of you that you can be and someone out there will appreciate every little thing you do to make them feel important and that someone will make every effort to ensure you feel the same.

Words of wisdom: Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary … because you’re not.